thursday, i don't care about you*

i don’t know how i can possibly sleep with my body feeling all soft and achy at the same time. i hate being sick alone.

as a kid, i’ve accepted that i am sickly to the point that there were times when i have looked forward to being sick. because whenever i am sick, my mom would always be there checking on me, feeding me, monitoring my temperature and medicine intake, letting me drink royal or sprite or 7-up (sometimes i can even make lambing so i can have coke) and buying me junk food and candies and chocolates to speed up my recovery (she would say, we’ll set these aside for now but you can have them when you get well. and when you are a kid that’s a very good deal).

getting well after being so very well taken cared for while sick is the best feeling ever. what asthma attacks, head and body aches, runny nose and sleepless nights? those mean nothing if for a feeling like that…

i was 17 when i started living “on my own” - no mom to take care of me when i am sick. whenever i am not feeling well i would cry silently, imagining my mom taking care of me. truly, there’s something magical about a mother’s touch, even an imagined one.

my subconscious also tend to forget the brand or generic names of my tried and tested drugs just so i can call my mom and ask her what i should take. just so she would know somewhere her daughter is sick. just so she would call me to ask how i am. just so i can also imagine her imagining she is taking care of me. even just typing this is making me feel a little better.

but this day still feels like a monday.

i got home around 1:30 this morning from a funfunfun wednesdate with my boyfriend. he was on his way back to bataan by 2:30. i didn’t get to sleep until shortly pass 4, after he texted me that the bus has finally left the pasay terminal. but then i was already up by 7, when he texted me to say he’s already in bataan. two sleepy lovebirds at school and work, hehe.

i didn’t miss french class but i was 30 minutes late. my teacher remarked tres bien to my answers twice so i guess i have made up for my tardiness, haha.

after class, we had a quick dance practice for a school event on the 13th of march.

then, my stomach started acting up again. it has been feeling upset about something since yesterday afternoon before i took off from work.

i am nearly broke but i had to miss work. nice. c’est la vie.

and just as i was about to fall asleep at around 2 this afternoon, someone from the admin of our apartment called. there’s been a misunderstanding regarding the checks and our cash deposits to their account and stuff like that. my roommate, who was at work, and i just wanted to declare a war, haha. we are so moving out!!!

oh, thursday, why do you have to do this to me? that was not so thursday of you.

if only not for the laundry that i had to do, i swear i could have gotten a heart attack.

here’s to a kinder friday…

*friday, i'm in love by the cure

dear boyfriend,

i’ve been feeling not too well since yesterday but i willed myself to go on a dinner/movie/tea date with my adorable mean girls last night. i needed a little help to get by another monday of missing you and these girls never disappoint.

jeng, mica, gerlie and i had dinner together. jeng bought me greek food. as in she paid for it. and i can’t say no. you know how she’ll get upset if i refuse. after getting ourselves full, i treated them to a movie - valentine’s day. gerlie enjoyed it! to our surprise! jeng had to leave for home after the movie, while mica, gerlie and i waited for karen at cbtl in gb3. fun catching up with these girls over cups of tea.

i was home shortly after midnight but it took me another hour to put myself to sleep because i wasn’t able to say a proper goodnight to you. after nine missed calls, i just knew i cannot wake you up.

nevertheless, i was up early this morning. i was greeted by 15 missed calls in my two phones combined from you.

after finally talking to you over breakfast, i still wasn’t feeling any better but i cannot miss my french class again…

i decided that this week will be a blue tops week - a color scheme i just started on sunday to help me do the laundry easier. so, three days to my color scheme and i realized i have just recently worn the majority of my blue tops - as you already know, i also practice wearing my clothes in rotation to avoid them from smelling old or like the closet.

determined to stick to my schemes, i dug deep into my closet and found the paperbag where i keep the clothes i intend to wear for futsal games only. and as fate may have planned it, that collection included a blue shirt - old but still okay.

my point here is that i just don’t want anything going wrong today. i feel like just one thing slipping out of my control can break me…

breakfast, check. had my usual coffee and toast bread.

blue top, check. it says: dance like nobody’s watching. really good advice. i skipped around the house before going to work and it made me feel more-awake.

french class, check. i learned how to form the past tense of verbs and use them properly in a sentence.

house rent, check. i still have to give the deposit slip to the caretaker when i get home later.

lunch, check. packed supper, check. garlic fried rice, bacon and scrambled egg.

work, check. a little progress on my little assignment. but that’s okay because i still have until sunday to conclude it.

i just can’t wait to go home. i have a lot of organizing to do before i go to sleep. you know how i am before bedtime. everything has to be sealed with a kiss. even i used to be sealed by your goodnight forehead-nose-lips kiss…

hohummm… i miss you so much that even the thought of finally seeing you tomorrow somehow still hurts… why do you have to be somewhere i cannot follow?

i hope you are having better days than mine…

je t’embrasse,

girlfriend

separation anxiety

i haven’t been sleeping well the past week due to the nightly contests held on our street in celebration of st. john bosco’s feast. last monday, there was a beauty pageant for teen girls and another one for gays on tuesday. there was a dance contest on wednesday, a singing contest on thursday, a little miss pageant on friday, a street party with a live band on saturday and the coronation/awards night on sunday. our neighbors were up all night drinking and singing and laughing. last night, the street quieted down around 5 in the morning. my goodness.

so after the very noisy week that was i am excited because tonight i will be having an uninterrupted sleep. yay! plus it’s already february and i have many reasons to celebrate - the boyfriend getting his dream job, my birthday, our 104th monthsary and heart’s day. \0/

now, if only i can succeed on not missing the boyfriend too much… it’s only his first day at work and the distance kinda makes me a little bit sad already…